still

It's like a holocaust in my mind, enough to make me go insane, yet the blame is always on me. Every time I run away; I get caught. How do I rip open my skin and get out into a gentle world? I'll always be in love with the thought and faithfully desiring truth far from recklessness. Nightlight reflects trails leading me to unspeakable madness. I'm afraid that the ticket to my happiness has already passed me by. Perhaps the biggest tragedy is running away from the waves that bring back every version of me that I killed. I've been forgotten, but when will I forget? 

One will never know how I feel, even if I word it to a hundred of poetry. I'll take you for a ride through my uncertainty if I can, but would you still look at me the same way? When will I breathe a sigh of relief? Tell me how I've always felt this way, because I'm terrified that as I go, my hurt will continue to grow while I remain. Figure me out and tell me how to stop finding myself in the same place over and over again. Be sweet, pull me out of distress, and find the part of me in the shatters that tells me I am more than this. Too much for a young girl who's still learning.